mindfuck

10.15.02 v.2
Ashamed
intrigued
sickeningly fascinated
obsessively fixated
Wanting to understand
Seeking answers but to what questions?
Nothing but anxieties keep feeding each time she crosses my mind

Almost certain that you and she are through enough on your terms
but still I check to see what she says,
scanning amidst her public personal life

All throughout this year I have wondered and been reminded of her-
each time like a needle stabbing my heart-
"BEFORE IS NO MORE!" it cries,
trying to convince my insides.
Yet each photograph,
each glass,
each place we go,
each friend we meet,
every day (!)
she screams out:
"I WAS HERE! HE WAS MINE! WE WERE JUST FINE! LOOK AT US! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT OUR PUPPIES! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY FAMILY! DO YOU WANNA COMPETE WITH ME? HOW COULD THIS BE? OH WOE IS ME!"
Or is that just what I think I should see?