Originally inspired...

Image created by Jodi Frye (titled These Dreams)


From 11.11.07

Originally inspired
attempting to understand the
misunderstood
Wanting to better be aware of my conscience/s
subconscious
causes my consciousness
but be cautious!
Live modest-
somewhere in the middle
Find comfort between the extremes-
Is that not what all of us strive for?
"Behold the spectrums!"
Lessons learned in art class
shades and hues serve as our tangent examples
Teach to learn
Learn to teach
What practice do I preach?
Reach out!
Must extend past the invisible boundaries within
Must explore more
in this physical world
"Action! Action!
Quiet on the set!"
we simply must have our goals met
at a certain time
Act your age!
Go where you want
but go here
if you please
Wait what if I fancy
discovering directions
rather than asking for them
...Training to dispel fears
to disregard concerns
Gathering strength
Participant-observer-
an oxymoronic paradigm
...To live by?
...or TO LIVE BY!
Ways of life
Life ways
Husband and wife
children then grandchildren
How conscious are we when we make decisions
Do we acknowledge our subconscious?
...recognize our conscience?
"Give me passion!"
No teach me to cultivate my dreams
put them out to sea
"Bon voyage!"
Bienvenido al viaje hacio lo desconocido
aqui y ahora mismo

Determination!

From 10.31.07

I am determined to defeat these insecurities and jealousies. Yet I find myself fixated with what once was-looking for evidence of their togetherness, of what may have attracted him. Scanning the vast interconnections, I look at photographs and texts.
Do I still feel like I have to compete with her? Knowing that she is lonely, missing love that she lost and I found-does that make me worry that theirs was right? Or that ours may one day fade away like theirs?
I try to remind myself that I can't focus on that because it will just put energy into negativity instead of towards positive, encouraging flows.
How do I stop myself from checking myspace, blogs, photos? How do I stop myself from looking at other people and wondering how he knows them-through her? in-between she and I? How do I stop questioning his friendship? Being intimidated by this unknown number one? How will I ever be number one? Isn't that where I'm supposed to be?
Do I have too much time to sit and wonder and worry? I think I would have less time to fixate on these things if I kept myself busier with a job and friends-a life outside of this little "US" microcosm.
So I must take my stand from the beginning-I AM DETERMINED TO DEFEAT THESE INSECURITIES-because I will be a stronger person and they will not affect me anymore. My life will be better in many ways-romantically, career-wise, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, any kind of relationship. So I will repeat it again (a good note to end on): I AM DETERMINED TO DEFEAT THESE INSECURITIES!!!